FML...most commonly said by teenagers but entirely fitting to my current state of mind. If any of my mass amount of readers (59 to be exact) don't know what it means, just google it, I guarantee it's there.
So, If you re-call, I was complaining in my previous post about absolute exhaustion and numbness in my arm again. I know I was even more tired then usual a few days leading into the weekend and exceptionally irritable. I say exceptionally because lately I'm often fairly irritable. Anyways, I heard myself on Sunday night saying out loud "please don't be a relapse, please, please, please don't be a relapse". I mean for God's sake, I just had one in February. I started taking Copaxone, I'm eating right, I'm trying really hard to avoid this.
Yesterday, both arms were numb. The left from the forearm down, the right from the shoulder down, the right side of my face, my jaw and literally half of my lips. Accompanied by that darn lightheaded feeling and absolutely, complete, can barely get up off the couch fatigue. The new thing for me though was this weird band of numbness that wrapped around my ankle. I've had some numbness in my thighs before but nothing like this. Then, sure as heck, I woke up this morning to numbness that went up to my knee. I dragged my butt to work but as the day went on my overall feeling of complete ass progressed.
Yep, this is definitely a relapse. I called my neuro, he sent me to the ER. They were going to just send me home as "MS is not life threatening you know and there's really nothing we can do, follow up with your neurologist". "I'm here because my neurologist sent me"...."oh, well we'll call him then". Long story short I overhear the conversation where the ER doc admits to my neuro he's done absolutely no exam and no sensory testing of any sort. I don't know what my neuro said but it was answered with "oh, okay, yes I'll start that, for how many days? Okay, I'll get her started right away." To wrap this up without boring you any further, I'm now on my first round of IV steroids. What the doctor didn't know or bother to ask is that I seem to have a fairly aggressive form of MS that feels the need to relapse as often as possible and always comes with a new symptom accompanied by the perfect blend of ALL of my previously acquired ones. My neuro is concerned.
So I did one dose today and then get another tomorrow and the day after. I'm scared of these steroids but I'm much more scared of not being able to walk if this keeps progressing in my legs. I have been lucky until now that it wasn't affecting them really.
This is not a good day. I know I have to accept that MS is now a part of my life but I am angry that it needs to remind me of that so often. Some people have years between relapses and I'm starting to feel like I'm always just waiting for the next one.
I need to attempt to sleep now (hopefully I don't get the insomnia side effect) because I have to do the whole work thing again tomorrow.
My apologies for the not so positive bitch fest today but as I said earlier.... FML
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